Recently ago, I started listing to the the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. And when I say “started”, I mean listened to the foreword by the author some 15 years down the road from the book’s first publishing date. And besides an awefully rubbish point he made, 2 points struck me particularly hard. The need to find a reason, and the need to pity yourself. Of course, it was all formulated more eloquently, but this is what my heart heard from his speech.
Firstly, when something happens to you, it is somewhat comforting to know why it happened. There was a car accident, and someone died. But why? And why does it make outsiders feel better, or at least less bad to know someone had been drunk-driving or texting? Why is it such a relief to be able to point a finger at someone (you probably will never meet)? Why is it so hard to just accept life happens, and anyone directly involved in the incident will have to deal with it themselves.
And secondly, the victim. Why does it always rain on me? Why did she have to fall ill? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do I feel I am a good person?… It is indeed maybe seducing to again feel life is treating you unfairly, and that that is why you don’t achieve what you hope for. If only that colleague didn’t always pester me, if only my boss would let me handle things myself, if only my friend had supported me, if only… and so on.
You’re in charge. Of your life. (full stop)
And once you’ve lost something, don’t come crying. As more often than not, you probably deserve it.